This site is kept in loving memory of Trish Reske, who passed in October of 2021.
Trish was a writer - this site captures a bit of her incredible sense of humor.
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Does ‘Stranger Danger’ Make Sense?

Is this boy in stranger danger?

Is this boy in stranger danger?

The recent incident on School Street that was reported as a possible abduction attempt of a Mill Pond student by two men in a pickup truck has been resolved. According to a statement issued by the Westborough Police, the incident was the result of a misunderstanding. The men in the truck had asked the girl to step out of the street.

The girl obviously perceived the men as a threat enough to ignore them, walk away, and tell what happened. Did she do the right thing? If she felt threatened, then of course she did. And if it was my daughter and I thought there was any real danger, I would have reported the incident in a heartbeat. Of course we’re all relieved to learn that there was no real harm intended.

But it makes me wonder, what if I were the “perpetrator” in this situation? Could I be reported if I tried to talk to a student just because I was a stranger? Just who is a stranger, anyway? And do strangers pose the greatest danger for our children?

I decided to test my stranger danger skills by taking an online stranger danger quiz. This quiz is supposed to be a tool parents can use to teach their child who a “stranger” is. The quiz shows photographs of various people and asks, “Is this person a stranger?” It  begins with a photo of a bride in a wedding dress, followed by two punks, a knitting grandma … you get the idea.

This is completely absurd. Am I really supposed to teach my child that a firefighter is as much a “stranger” as a man with a gun? I don’t think so.

Nancy A. McBride, National Safety Director at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), argues that the slogan “stranger danger” does not effectively educate children on how to stay safe. In fact, she states, the majority of abduction cases involve a person the child knows, not a stranger.  According to the press release, “Child Safety is More than a Slogan,” McBride argues that the stranger danger concept doesn’t work because:

  • Children don’t get it
  • Adults don’t practice it
  • Children need to know how to recognize and avoid potentially dangerous situations
  • Adults need to know risks to children are greater from someone they know

In fact, a mistrust of all strangers can backfire if a child is lost or needs help. The child may be afraid to reach out to someone who in fact can help them, just because they are a stranger.

My youngest son Caleb got separated from us last winter while on vacation at a large ski resort. A woman found him crying at the base of the mid-mountain lodge and asked him for mom’s cell phone number. I was frantically trying to find him when my cell phone rang and this woman told me where he was. Was I thankful that she approached Caleb and offered to help? Yes. Was I thankful that Caleb trusted her enough to give her my number? You bet.

This incident reminded me of the importance of practicing safety measures in these “what-if” scenarios with your child before they happen.  I need to teach my child appropriate responses to potentially dangerous situations and people without having him feel afraid of every stranger that crosses his path. And I need to teach him what’s not appropriate behavior from an adult that he already knows.

What do you tell your children about strangers and staying safe? Do you feel the term, “stranger danger” makes sense to kids, confuses them, or may even backfire on them if they need help from an adult? What should we be telling our kids about strangers?

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