New Year’s Advice from a Mid-Life Mom

“What you can do, or dream you can, begin it; boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Check out those manicured nails!

The ball was dropping in Times Square. My champagne flute was in hand. My husband turned to me, looked me lovingly in the eyes and asked, “So, did you make any New Year’s resolutions?”

I’m not joking, that’s exactly what he said. “Not a single one,” I replied, raising the glass to my lips.

It’s not that I don’t believe in resolutions, I really do. It’s just that I’ve lived through too many New Year’s to know that the best of intentions don’t get you anywhere.

I accomplished a lot in 2011, of which I’m fairly proud. We updated our 1990s, oak-infested, floral-papered kitchen. I ran my eighth consecutive Boston Marathon. I got my first mani-pedi. I spent time with my kids – a lot of time. I went back to graduate school. I wrote a really bad novel in 30 days for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) about a conspiracy on Martha’s Vineyard involving the Wampanoag Indians and biological weapons of mass destruction.

I also had a milestone birthday (not saying which) this past year. Perhaps it was this that has gotten me off my aging tush and onto a yoga mat. The older I get, the more I realize that the best resolutions in the world aren’t worth diddly-squat unless you get started.

It’s that easy and that hard.

Of course, I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to grasp this simple truth, but there’s really no time like the present for starting anew. So here’s the best advice I’ve gotten on setting – and achieving – a new goal. Answer these five questions about your goal and you’re golden:

1. How badly do I want it?

Be honest, especially if the change you seek requires significant commitment and hard work. I’ve met so many people who say, “I’d love to write a novel someday,” as if they are talking about visiting Venezuela. Weigh the cost. Decide how badly you want to accomplish your goal, and if you’re willing to do what it takes to get there.

2. What am I afraid of?

It’s normal to fear change, so you may as well come to peace with it. Write down exactly what you’re afraid of. Is it financial risk? Your reputation? Not believing you have what it takes? Write down the worst thing that could possibly happen if you fail. Then write down the good things that could happen if you don’t.

3. Where do I want to be?

Visualize what you want to accomplish, both in the long-term and short-term.  “Dream big!” Jean Driscoll, eight-time wheelchair race winner of the Boston Marathon, said to me once. Reach higher, farther. You may find that the actual “doing” takes much more time and effort than you originally thought, so be flexible. But have a destination.

4. What small steps can I take?

Goals are dreams with an action plan. Set priorities, define what specific steps will help you achieve your goals, then come up with a plan. Overthinking your goals? It’s called “analysis paralysis.” Perhaps it’s time to step out of analyzing and into realizing.

5. Who can help me get there?

Find people that have achieved what you want to, and learn from them. If your dream is to run a marathon, you don’t need to – nor should you – trod all those training miles alone. Reach out and connect with others who have or had the same goal. You may be amazed at what opportunities can come up just by sharing your aspirations with others.

For all us procrastinators out there who are still pondering 2012 goals the second week of January, listen up: It’s time to get started! Decide what you really want, be willing to take chances, dream big, take small steps to reach your goals, and enlist others to support you. Then reward yourself with a mani-pedi. You’ll be glad you did.